10 Tips for Coming Out as a Crossdresser or Transgender

Coming out is a process of understanding, embracing your true identity (gender identity/gender expression), and sharing that identity with others. It can be a gradual process or an immediate one. There is no right way to come out, its different for everyone. Even though it can be very frightening to think about coming out to others, it can help you finally be your authentic self and true to who you are. You will feel healthier and happier when others see and support your gender identity.

Coming out to your family or friends can be one of the hardest things to do. You might feel embarrassed, alone, and terrified. But know that even though coming out can be scary, the process can also be tremendously empowering and freeing. Also, understand that what you’re going through is completely normal and that a lot of people go through similar experiences.

Everyone goes through the coming out process at a different pace. The process is very personal. Different people experience it in different ways and at various ages. Some people become conscious of their gender identity at a young age, while others become aware of it much later in life.

Coming out to somebody as a transgender person or a cross-dresser is not the same thing. However, many people classify them as the same, which is entirely wrong. Many people confuse crossdressing with Transsexual/Transgender issues. Being transgender means that the gender identity or gender expression does not align with the sex assigned at birth for that person. In contrast, a crossdresser is a person who likes to wear clothes and accessories associated with the opposite gender for different reasons and doesn’t feel the need to transition.

If you’re a cross-dresser, you may have more options to decide whether or not to come out, but if you’re a trans woman, you’ll feel more inclined to come out. Also, if you are transgender, it might be best to seek help from a professional therapist or counselor. However, for those contemplating coming out, the following tips can still apply regardless.

Here are some Tips on how to come out as a Crossdresser or Transgender:

1) Coming Out To Yourself & Thinking it Through

You need to come clean and out to yourself first. You need to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. This is a huge step in the life of any crossdresser or trans-person. Only you can decide what’s best for yourself and when and how it is safe to come out. Be sure you want this because it can be life-changing and liberating but can also be devastating and traumatic, with many consequences if things don’t work out how you imagined them.

Coming out can take a lot of nerve and courage. Your confidence has to be high, and you also need to be mentally strong. Manage your mental health. When you’re emotionally and physically safe and comfortable enough inside yourself, it’s the right time to come out. You might choose to come out in one part of your life but not in other parts. For instance, some people are out to their families but secretive at work, while others are out at work but secretive at home.

So, before you tell a soul, know what you are risking. Do a personal gut check. What (or who) are you willing to lose? Once your secret is out, you can’t pull it back in. And the way others see you will never be the same. So make sure you are ready when coming out. When you come out, think about what you want to say and choose the time and place carefully based on the safest and most supportive way for you.

If you don’t want to, you are not obligated to come out. Some transgender and crossdressers find that keeping their gender identity a secret from others makes them feel safer. You have the choice of what feels right for you.

2) Choose Wisely Who You Come Out To

Before you come out, consider the person you are with, are they somebody you want to have a future with? or are they somebody you don’t feel comfortable with just yet? A big mistake is coming out to somebody you know when they are not ready or if you don’t feel comfortable in that relationship. If you feel confident that it will last and have a good level of comfort with that other person, then that’s a good sign, and you can confess to them. But only do it right off the bat with people with proper consideration because chances are it will be a lot for somebody to take in. Only come out to someone that you trust. Pick someone you feel is very supportive to be the first person you come out to.

Coming out can be very scary, especially when telling a significant other. It’s on you to not only inform them but also to reassure them. This is an extremely vulnerable time for you but also for them as well. Show this person that you really trust them, be honest, and be ready for questions, even if they might be hurtful at first. It isn’t going to be easy. All cases are different when coming out, whether to your girlfriend, spouse, or family.

When you decide to tell a few friends or family members, choose them wisely. Women are much more accepting of the idea than men, and they can be more gentle when you tell them. It is also a good idea to begin by understanding your family or friend’s attitude toward crossdressers or transgender people before coming out to them.

3) Don’t Wait

Do not wait until they find your stuff. Refrain from giving the other person clues as to what you do or who you are. In most cases, it simply backfires. Don’t leave any girl items around, hoping they will find them, and then get the hint from there. Avoid doing that because it will be more complicated if you don’t come clean naturally instead of just letting them find out for themselves.

4) Give Them Time and Space

Be patient with people who are important to you when coming out. In many cases, they need time to process. Give them time to adjust. Do your best to assure them that you’re the same person on the inside. It will be hard for anybody to accept somebody who is a cross-dresser or transgender person. It will be hard, no matter how perfect that individual is. So, keep in mind that when you confess, give them time and space to soak it all in.

Let them process things at their own pace. Try to give them space and assure them that you love them and are the same person. That’s the best thing that you can do. Do not pry or do not force yourself onto them. Don’t be afraid to let them leave the house or take some time away from you. Don’t be scared of that because that is what they need sometimes.

Be prepared for an initially negative reaction from some people. Some individuals need more time than others to adjust to what they have heard from you. Don’t give up hope if you don’t initially get your desired reaction. Remember that you have the right to be who you are and to be out and open about all essential aspects of your identity, including your sexual orientation. In no case is another person’s rejection evidence of your lack of worth or value.

5) Don’t Show them your Pictures unless they ask for them.

Do not start showing pictures of yourself to the other person right away. Ask first if they would be comfortable with it. If they are not, respect their decision. Let them absorb the new information about you first, and let them process that information. Showing pictures of you right away might be too much information for them to handle right away.

6) Be Confident and Strong

Do not seek sympathy when coming out to somebody, more specifically to your significant other. Be strong and be confident in what you are saying. Don’t break down and feel embarrassed about yourself. Do your best to sound confident and strong. Try to keep eye contact when telling them because this is who you are. If you show that you’re afraid, it will show that you have no confidence, and chances are it will affect how they perceive you.

7) Invite Questions

Be sure to let the person you come out to know that you are open to an honest conversation. Let them know that they can ask any question they might have and that you’d be happy to answer them, clear up any confusion or misunderstandings.

The usual question when coming out as a crossdresser or Trans person can be:

Are you gay?

Are you interested in men or guys like you?

Are you cheating on me?

Try to answer these questions as clearly and patiently as possible, specifically to your significant other.

8) Pace Yourself. Don’t try to tell your entire life story in one sitting

If you’ve been in this lifestyle for a while, you probably have a long story to tell, the ups and downs, the twists and turns, and so much more. But it’s probably a good idea to keep your story right to the point when telling the other person for the first time. Ease them in. Share the basics. If these people are close to you, you’ll have plenty of time to fill them in later on with all the femme details and regale them with your stories and experience.

9) Seek Support if Needed

If you need help with coming out, you can seek help from online communities/ support groups or even professional help. There are supportive services which offers a safe space to talk about your feelings or gender identity without being judgmental.

10) Prepare for Worst Scenarios

Not everyone is accepting. Things can take a very ugly turn. You have to understand that your feelings are not someone else’s. You can’t expect anyone to welcome you with open arms. And you can’t expect to change their minds if they don’t. Some people take change hard but come around eventually. Some people don’t. You’ll never know who is who unless you tell the person. There is a good chance that you can get hurt emotionally; in some cases, it’s unavoidable. So try to prepare yourself for different scenarios.

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Here are some Pros and cons of Coming out as a Crossdresser or Transgender:

Pros:

1) The biggest pro about coming out as a crossdresser or Trans person is the self-acceptance it brings. No longer having to hide a big part of your identity. You will be able to live life more honestly and openly.

2) Once you come out, you will feel relieved because you finally told people about who you are, and that also goes to say that it’ll take off some stress and tension that you might be feeling in life if you ever do come out.

3) It’ll reveal who really loves and cares about you. You’ll see the amount of support you get from friends, family, and loved ones, and it can be very assuring to see who cares about you no matter what.

4) You will feel well and feel that you have more freedom to be who you are and not have to hide who you are anymore.

5) It may vary from person to person. When you come out, you will feel confident and your self esteem will improve. You will no longer need to monitor or hide parts of your life.

6) It will help you become happier and more carefree. It makes the haters look smallminded and unimportant.

Cons:

1) You might feel anxious or stressed because you don’t know how people will perceive you. So if you’re somebody who deals with anxiety or depression, you’ll realize that if you do come out, you feel happy and proud but at the same time anxious and on the verge of a panic attack, so keep that in mind.

2) It’ll expose the cruel people in your life. There will be supportive ones, and there will be cruel ones. So, that is something to keep in mind when coming out. You will see people who love and support you but also those who don’t. It’s sad, but not everybody will be 100% accepting of who you are now.

3) Along with freedom, there is a price depending on where you live and who you come out to. Depending on the feedback received, you might feel pressured to hide it even more. So keep that in mind when you come out as well; it can be a liberating feeling, but you might feel the need to hide even more depending on your support system and your comfort level for being who you are.

4) You may feel discouraged and not confident depending on the comments and feedback received. So it will vary; don’t be afraid to be who you are.

5) It can be a tough road. Some people can spiral into depression and self-harm if they’re not immediately accepted. So, have courage and be strong along the way.

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