You have spent hours putting on your makeup, doing your hair, pulling and taping yourself into hip pads, panty hose, gaff, and hair. Now, you’re ready to go out and enjoy yourself en femme decked out in your best outfit from head to toe. So, why are you getting those “guy-in-a-dress” second glances when you walk into a room or down the street? “It must be my voice,” is the response I generally hear from a majority of my transgender clients.
A masculine voice can certainly give you away in an instant, but often you haven’t said a word! What is giving you away in that first three-second impression? By far the most common factor is that despite all your best efforts to look feminine, you are still moving like a male! It’s not your newest hair, makeup, or wardrobe that needs a makeover, but the way you walk and gesture, and how you coordinate your gestures with your new feminine voice. In this article, I will focus on creating feminine movement and body language. In my experience, I have found these are the two most important factors, in presenting a truly unique and authentic feminine persona. And, I have first hand experience with outside coaching, in how you’re perceived by others; in short it is the quintessential factor in “not getting read”.
There is a distinctly feminine way to move and hold yourself, and a distinctly male mode of being in the world. I explain to my clients that the secret to changing others’ perception of your gender is to learn the technique I teach called “Balanced Movement,” which has two parts: a conscious shift in how you carry your weight from your upper shoulders and arms to the pelvic and hip area, and then coordinated head, face, hand, and body movement. Balanced Movement is the secret to feminine poise, and having natural feminine poise and gestures is essential to presenting an authentic feminine image.
From my experience in coaching hundreds of serious transgender women (many going through their one-year real life test) I have found that poise, like voice, requires the most practice and training to learn well. Yes, you can spend a fortune having others sell you clothes, and pay to have your makeup and hair done, and even have plastic surgery, but only you can put in the time and practice required to change your voice and body language and successfully blend them together into an authentic feminine presentation. And, while voice is very important, an authentic feminine poise can offset much, if not all, of your masculine voice. Once your feminine poise has been achieved, the clothes and makeup will provide the finishing touch of looking and truly feeling beautiful.
What Factors Are Important To Developing Feminine Poise?
- Weight Drop
Men typically carry their weight in their arms and shoulders and tend to lean forward, or they carry their weight very low and exhibit a “heavy” walk. Either way, men tend to carry their weight in an unbalanced fashion. - This is a particularly masculine poise and can give away even the most well dressed transgender woman. Fashion models and beauty contestants, on the other hand, learn early in their training to keep their shoulders pulled back and chest lifted up. This certainly applies to the TG woman who tends to be “top” heavy.
By learning to center your weight in your hips and pelvis and keep your shoulders back and chest out, you will find that your feet are lighter when touching the floor and your overall presentation is much more feminine. Your feminine poise should look as if you had an imaginary string in the top of your head lifting you up straight and pulling the energy field of your body and face upward. - Delicately Swinging Arms
Swinging your arms from your shoulders (as men do) may be another behavior that is giving you away. Let your arms rest gently down the side of your legs allowing for a natural delicate swing from your elbows. TG women should practice keeping their elbows turned inward or touching their torso. Not having space between your elbows and torso keeps you in a smaller capsule of Space, thus appearing more feminine. Keeping your thumbs pulled in towards your hand, and always keeping your fingers cupped will help large hands appear more petite and graceful. - Head and Chin Up and Forward
If your head or chin leads, you will appear less feminine. This is related to the masculine manner of leaning forward. When your head is down your shoulders will slump forward preventing a feminine silhouette. Graceful women walk with their heads back and tilted, keeping their chin parallel to the floor, and their weight centered in their pelvis. I coach my transgender women to create a feminine silhouette by learning to stand and walk with their weight back and allowing their hips, heads, and hands to be more expressive in communicating balanced female movements. - Fluid Movement in Head and Neck
Often a new transgender woman (especially when she is wearing a wig) will hold her head very upright and rigid. As this more rigid body language is an instant give away, it is essential to practice fluidly tilting your head and using your facial features to express emotion. A few examples I teach are: using eye contact while exchanging smiles, raising and lowering your eyebrows; blinking more often; while talking, move your body more in your chair, touching different parts of your thigh or arm while gently moving hair away from your face; move your lips and mouth forward or to the side; sit with your legs crossed and pointed towards the other person; and, expose your wrist or palm to the person you are interested in. - Coordinated Expressive Movement
Why are some women so graceful while others seem totally unable to express their femininity and/or sensuality? Actually, it’s simple and can be learned. Here’s a clue. Poised women tend to have more expressive face, hands, and speech patterns, and they are coordinated with other bodily movements. Graceful women will always move more than one body part at a time: this could be a tilt of her head and shoulder while she hand lightly touches her thigh as she crosses her legs. Graceful women will use a simple head tilt while slowly stroking their fingers and gracefully changing into a different hand position.
Other examples: while conversing with you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand wrist broken, palm up; while listening to you speak she gently leans forward and slowly lowers her face, eyes and lightly puckers her lips; while walking confidently she shakes her head back and forth and perhaps gracefully pulls her hair out of her wind blown face, tossing it to one side. This is the grace and poise that sends men jumping from their chairs to catch a glimpse of the beautiful woman walking by. Feminine poise and grace can be learned and will enable you to express the authentic femininity you feel inside –far more than the typical clothing or makeup everyone uses.
Feminine poise isn’t just something all genetic women naturally posses. When I was in high school, I was a Wallflower, looking down, leaning forward, and walking as if I carried the weight of the world. With professional training and devoted practice, I overcame my unfeminine mannerisms and went on to model on television while still attending high school.
What I learned in high school about poise, and have been perfecting for many years as a professional consultant to fashion models and beauty pageant contestants, I can teach to you. With the proper training and practice, you too can begin to walk more gracefully, stand more regally and become more confident with each excursion into the public, knowing you will never again give off the impression of “guy in a dress.”
This article was written for The Breast Form Store by Danae Doyle