Talking about pronouns might feel a little unfamiliar at first, but it’s one of the simplest ways to show respect and care for the people around you. Whether you’re chatting with friends, colleagues, or members of the LGBTQIA+ community, using the right pronouns matters — and it’s easier than you might think.
What Are Pronouns?
Pronouns are words that replace someone’s name in a sentence. You probably use them all the time without realizing it!
For example:
Have you heard from Tom? He hasn’t replied all day.
Here, “he” is standing in for Tom’s name.
Pronouns can be especially meaningful for transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people. Using the wrong pronouns — even accidentally — can make someone feel unseen or invalidated. Studies show that for transgender youth, using correct pronouns can significantly reduce depression and suicide risk.
Common Pronouns and How to Use Them
Here are some pronouns you’re most likely to encounter, along with a few helpful notes:
| Pronouns | Variations / Notes |
|---|---|
| He/Him | His, Himself |
| She/Her | Hers, Herself |
| They/Them | Theirs, Themself — works for singular or plural use |
| Ze/Zir (or Xe/Xem) | [Zee/Zir] — less common, often used by non-binary people |
| Name only | Some people prefer you just use their name instead of pronouns |
How to Ask and Share Pronouns
Asking someone’s pronouns doesn’t have to be awkward. The easiest approach? Start by sharing your own:
“Hi, I’m Emma. My pronouns are she/her. How about you?”
Other tips:
- Ask respectfully when meeting someone for the first time.
- Context matters: In meetings, email signatures, or group introductions, sharing pronouns helps avoid confusion.
- Be mindful: Some people may not want to share pronouns publicly, and that’s okay.
Sharing pronouns shows respect and prevents assumptions — because how someone looks or what their name sounds like doesn’t tell you their gender identity.
Using Pronouns Correctly
- They/Them as singular: Already common in English when the gender is unknown, and widely used by non-binary people.
- Multiple pronouns: Some people use combinations like he/they or she/they. Either pronoun is fine, and you can alternate.
- Changing pronouns with presentation: Some people shift pronouns depending on how they’re expressing themselves. For example, someone may use he/him when presenting more masculine and she/her when presenting more feminine. Following their lead shows attentiveness and respect.
- Mistakes happen: If you slip up, a simple apology and correction is enough. Everyone is learning, and it’s the effort that counts.
Pronouns are usually written in pairs (like she/her or they/them) so you know how to use them in sentences. Over time, these small habits make conversation smoother and more inclusive.
Inclusive Language for Groups
Another way to practice inclusivity is in how you greet groups. Phrases like “hey guys” are common, but not always gender-inclusive. Try using:
- “everyone”
- “friends”
- “you all”
Small swaps like these make group greetings feel welcoming to people of all genders.
Why Pronouns Matter
Using the correct pronouns is about care, clarity, and respect. Imagine someone repeatedly calling you by a pronoun that doesn’t fit — it can be frustrating, upsetting, and even painful. Using the right pronouns shows that you see the person for who they are.
It’s a simple habit that has a big impact, helping everyone feel recognized, validated, and welcome.
Pronouns are more than words — they’re a way of supporting authenticity and inclusion. Start small: share your pronouns, ask politely, and practice using them. Over time, it becomes second nature, and you’ll be contributing to a more welcoming and respectful community for everyone.
