Even if you're not a fan of science fiction, you are probably familiar with that phrase. Aliens arrive from a distant planet and the first thing they say to the planet is that they mean no harm. I think it's helpful to let people know your intentions when you first meet someone so apparently these visitors have good etiquette. I never really thought too much about why they would say this other than wanting to assure others that they aren't here to cause trouble.
After all, human beings as a collective tend to treat the unknown, the unfamiliar with hostility. The aliens (yes, I am overthinking a silly phrase from science fiction movies) are probably aware of humanity's penchant of reacting with suspicion and violence to beings that are different from themselves. After all, we have a history of treating other humans who just happen to have a different skin color in horrible ways, I can only imagine how cruel and reactionary we would be to a completely different lifeform.
As a reluctant and unelected representative of the non-binary community, I see some parallels to this greeting. Before I continue, I feel that ALL members of the the non-binary community are unelected (and probably equally reluctant) representatives. We probably don't WANT to be, but we kind of are. What I mean is that people tend to generalize others, especially when that person is part of an underrepresented community. This is where stereotypes can begin. It's not uncommon for people to say things like "Bisexual people are jerks. I used to work with someone who was bi and they were a total bitch." In situations like that, that person is labeling the entire bisexual community based on their experience with ONE bisexual person. That's a little egregious.
What I mean is that people tend to generalize others, especially when that person is part of an underrepresented community.
When I am out in the real world, I am fully aware that I am visibly not cisgender. What I mean is that I know I will probably be clocked by EVERYONE. I assume that everyone that sees me will guess (and they will do so correctly) that I was not assigned female at birth. I am also fully aware that I am possibly the first transgender person most people have ever seen in real life (as far as they know). Because of this, and because I know people tend to generalize an entire community based on limited interactions with one person, I do my best to positively represent the non-binary community. I know and you know that we are vilified, and misunderstood, and misrepresented by influential people in the media. We are the SCARY and CONFUSED men who PRETEND to be women so we can play on the girls sports team or whatever.
This, of course, is ridiculous. But it's a characterization by some loud people, both online and on "the news". Loud people tend to get more attention than people who have the actual facts. People without facts to back up their opinions know this, so in an effort to gain clicks and views, they amplify themselves. We tend to pay attention to the loud people and this encourages them to continue to be loud. It's not really possible to fight fire with fire in these instances. If I were to be equally loud and disprove the "facts" that bigots spout, I am going to be labeled as unstable. So instead of being a scary and confused man pretending to be a woman, I am also an unstable scary and confused man pretending to be a woman.
Plus I tend to cry when I try to confront people lol.
Anyway, knowing how we are portrayed, I do my best to be, well, nice when I am out. I am polite to the sales staff, to the other shoppers, the baristas, and anyone else I see. I smile, I am aware of my facial expression (I have a severe resting bitch face lol), and I try so hard to be the opposite of what the loud bigots say I am. My goal and my hope is that the cashier goes home and tells their partner that a transgender person was at their store today and that they were, well, normal and polite and not the scary person that the internet says we are.
This is what I mean by being a reluctant and unelected representative of the non-binary community. This is what I mean when I say ALL members of the non-binary community are unelected representatives of the non-binary community. We all have an opportunity to influence someone's opinion of people like ourselves. This responsibility was, in a way, thrusted upon us. Which sucks because I am not always in the mood to be overly friendly lol. I am not here to hurt you or traumatize your kids or play on the women's lacrosse team or whatever. I just want to be a basic bitch and drink my pumpkin spice latte and look for a new dress.
This is not unlike announcing to the planet that I come in peace.
I just want to be a basic bitch and drink my pumpkin spice latte and look for a new dress.
The question here is whether this is fair or not. The answer is of course it's not. We shouldn't be burdened or obligated or expected to undo the harm and the stereotyping and the fear mongering that the loud people are doing. We shouldn't have to do the equivalent of throwing open the doors of the mall and declaring "attention shoppers, I come in peace". I shouldn't HAVE to let everyone know that I mean no harm.
But we have to. We have to if we want to survive.
Everything we do has the potential to be misunderstood and used against us. I had mentioned that if I were to, essentially, fight fire with fire and be as loud and as belligerent as the people are characterizing us as evil and perverts I am now setting myself to be portrayed as angry and unhinged. If I were to engage with someone and my frustrations got the better of me and tears started to well up, I am now emotionally unstable. It sucks, it's not fair, it's infuriating. Our very survival is at risk because of these loud, angry people. Their hateful little crusade will continue until they have met their goal of turning the entire population against us.
We were pulled into the media's spotlight because of.... why? The media needed a scapegoat? They needed to vilify a community? They misunderstood us and instead of getting to know us they took the easy way out and portrayed us in a way that fit their narrative? It really doesn't matter, I suppose. The attention is on us and we need to undo the damage that they wrought. We are on the defensive, we are so caught up in reacting to how we are portrayed that it feels like we are leagues behind in this stupid little war. We are not a debate subject, we are humans and we come in peace.
Love, Hannah
