International Pronouns Day, held on the third Wednesday of October, centers on a simple premise: using someone’s correct pronouns is a fundamental act of everyday respect.
It often starts with a familiar moment. A trans or non-binary person hears the wrong pronoun used to describe them. Even when no harm is intended, small moments like that shape whether a person feels safe and welcome in a space. Using someone's stated pronouns -- such as she, he, or they -- signals that we see and respect them as they understand themselves.
That respect shouldn't depend on how someone looks or dresses. A person's gender identity is their inner sense of self, while gender expression is how they present externally through hair, clothes, or demeanor. Appearance doesn't tell us what pronouns someone uses. A person wearing a dress might use he/him, while someone with a close-cut hairstyle might use she/her. Taking the time to drop those assumptions helps everyone feel included.
Practical Ways to Share and Ask
Sharing your own pronouns can be a great way to make space for others, but it works best when it's completely voluntary.
You can offer your own pronouns naturally during an introduction -- "I’m Alex, and I use she/her" -- or include them in an email signature or name tag. This signals openness without putting anyone else on the spot. Mandatory round-robin introductions, where everyone in a room is expected to state their pronouns, can create unnecessary pressure. Someone might be exploring their identity, protecting their privacy, or simply not ready to share. No one should ever have to explain or disclose their personal identity just to receive courteous treatment.
If you aren't sure of someone's pronouns, using their name is usually the simplest approach. If the setting feels right, you can also ask privately and politely: "What pronouns do you use?" Keeping the question quiet and low-key avoids singling anyone out in front of a group.
What to Do When Mistakes Happen
Even with the best intentions, slip-ups happen. The key to handling a mistake is to repair it quickly without turning it into a big deal.
If you catch yourself using the wrong pronoun, correct the word immediately, offer a brief apology, and keep moving with the conversation: "She left her bag -- sorry, he left his bag here."
Avoid long, defensive explanations about why the mistake happened. Extended apologies often shift the burden onto the affected person, making them feel like they have to comfort or forgive you. A short, simple repair shows that you noticed and care about getting it right. If you find yourself consistently tripping over a specific set of pronouns, taking a few minutes to practice using them on your own time is the best way to build the right habit.
Making Respect Routine at Work and in Healthcare
Organizations can make pronoun respect standard practice by building choice into everyday routines.
Workplace forms, patient check-in sheets, and registration systems can separate fields for names and pronouns, while making both fields completely optional. Systems should also make it easy to update preferences without requiring an explanation. In healthcare settings especially, clear and accessible records allow care teams to use the right language consistently while still protecting patient privacy.
Ultimately, honoring someone's pronouns doesn't require knowing every detail of their personal story. Respect begins with the information people choose to share -- and making room for those choices makes everyday spaces better for everyone.
