Confidence! How many of us have had an issue with self esteem, confidence, anything that inhibits your ability to be yourself! We've all seen those people who are booming with confidence, whether it be athletics, aesthetics, personality, place and time, there's many instances where we see people "winning" in life. We all would love to be like that, care free, honestly just content and happy, that's all I have ever wanted! Ever since I was a kid and I knew I was slightly different than the other boys, I loved pink, I wanted to be pretty and most importantly I wanted my princess dress. None of those things ever happened, I hadn't asked for fear of judgement and the heavy weight of feeling like a failure to my parents. I was taught who I am is not okay, I needed to follow the roadmap given to me. I can assure you, that did not ever happen for me, I knew what I wanted and I was going to get it.
When I was a kid being trans was almost taboo, don't speak of it and pretend it's not real, being a crossdresser, or a sissy, fem boy, all of that was a ticket for bullying. I was ashamed, not because I was one of those people, but because I couldn't help myself, dressing was the only thing that felt real at the time. I walked through my childhood unsure of what my future looked like, how was I ever going to get my princess dress like this?! I suffered for a long time alone waiting for some answers. These answers didn't come till I was much older and more eager to find more about why I wanted to be like this, what about this was thrilling for me? Ultimately I found out it was all of it, planning my outfit, my shoes, my hair and makeup, then getting to finally wear it all and feel normal! I definitely grew and became more aware of who I am and what I need to do. I found some groups where I was able to feel safe and start to post my pictures. As time went on and I had talked to people in the community stuck like me and well how they did it or plan too, I learned a lot, confidence still shaky. As time passed I realized I had gained some confidence, friends and a little corner of instagram just for me. Pictures showed some of my face not all of it, my outfits became less in your face and more subdued. With the help of people who never spoke to me and provided tips, lots of friends I kept pushing and now after a long and arduous road, I can say there is some light at the end of the tunnel. For all of us, wherever your from, whoever you are and identify as. Find some like minded friends, find a pure soul who wants to help, and if you're one of the girl who has it figured out, look back for the ones struggling. We can all lift each other up and feel some love and friendship! Even now writing this I know my confidence isn't great and I have a long journey ahead, but I am able to be me now. A month ago I felt very different, I finally, with a compassionate person, they gave me the chance to gain some confidence. I was happily pushed into the world and I have to say I am never going back! I can actually say with CONFIDENCE if you never try, you can't fail, but you won't ever finish. Don't let your inner thoughts dictate the silence, choose to rise above and become who you are! It's scary but the other end of the tunnel is rainbows and sunnflowers, still some awkward time ahead but it's so so nice to be seen as me.
In my 34 years on this earth if I have learned one thing? It's that no matter what your story is, there's a place for you. There is so much love in the world, deny the naysayers their joy and keep walking, you are you don't be embarrassed! Whether you identify as a Trans person, a crossdresser, fem boy, sissies, and so on we all belong here. We only have so long to live the way we want too, don't allow others to bring you down. Wear those outfits, put your makeup on, get your hair super pretty! Be you unapologetically, because we often don't know it but theres the so many likeminded people looking at us to show them it's possible and that confidence comes through action and participation. Get involved in the smallest way to feel accepted and then when you're ready to show yourself to the world, remember, everyday has a time limit, everyday is a chance for a new opportunity, a new you can be born everyday!
Please remember you're loved, you're seen and together we can all be safe and happy!!
Love you all, Amber <3
PS: I got my princess dress finally!
