Underdressing is essentially when someone who was assigned male at birth wears "girl clothes" under their "boy clothes".  It's a very common thing for non-binary people who were assigned male at birth.  I underdress every time I am in boy mode.  I can't remember the last time I wore boy underwear.  It's been at least two decades.  I wear panties because it's what I own, it's what I wear.  It's what I like to wear.  Sometimes I'll pair my panties with a matching camisole or a matching bra, but for the most part it's just a pair of cute panties.  Or sexy panties.  It depends on the day I think I am going to have.

Underdressing is terrifying at first and for most of us it requires a constant state of vigilance.  It's scary at first because we probably don't want others to know what we are wearing under our boy clothes and we are paranoid that someone will find out.  Paranoia keeps us safe, I suppose, but it also holds us back.  I was paranoid about going out en femme all those years ago, but I could have let that feeling win and spend the rest of my life looking fabulous in my living room but depressed.  Being paranoid is our mind's way of saying "what if THIS happens?".  When those thoughts pop up, and they will, then it's a sign that we need to prepare for that possibility.

For example!

When we think about going out en femme, we likely think about all the things that can go wrong.  Most of these things will never happen, but it's still good to be prepared.  If you have a solution for something ahead of time, it saves you from having to figure out a resolution in the heat of the moment.  When I am out in the world presenting as masculine, I never worry about getting a flat tire.  Why?  Because it's inevitable that a flat tire will happen at some point in our lives and I have roadside assistance when that happens.  If it happens when Hannah is out, then she will also call roadside assistance. Sure, I would rather not experience that when I am in stilettos but it's part of having a car.  
Of course, there's a limit as to how much we can, and should, and need to prepare for. Some things are more likely than others, of course.  Flat tires and snagged stockings are relatively easy to solve by having roadside assistance and an extra pair of stockings in your purse.  These things happen and are more likely than the other things our brains try to scare us with.  Like, what if I break my leg while I am out en femme?  I mean, sure, it could happen (especially in these stilettos) but it's not very likely.  What should I do if I see someone I know while I am out en femme?  That's easy too.  Just turn around and leave.  Chances are unless you collide into them they probably won't see you.  

The trick is determining what is likely and what is not.  I am fully prepared for snagged stockings but I am not prepared for an asteroid hurling itself towards the planet.  There are extreme examples but I know that's not uncommon for us to start going down the "What-If Rabbit Hole".

 I am fully prepared for snagged stockings but I am not prepared for an asteroid hurling itself towards the planet.

Undressing comes with its risks.  There's no guaranteed method to make your underdressing completely undetectable.  If you are going to wear a bra under your clothes then you need to understand and accept that there's always a chance someone will notice.  Of course, you may not CARE if someone does, and if you don't then you may as well stop reading this, lol.

If you wear a bra or a camisole under your boy shirt then there are four things you should be prepared for.

1. If your shirt gets pulled to the side, then the strap is very clearly visible on your shoulder.  If the neckline of your shirt is low, then your bra/cami will likely be visible if someone is looking down at you or if you are bending over.  So, button up that shirt or wear a turtleneck to minimize that.
2. Your shirt will likely show an indentation of your bra/cami shoulder strap or bra band.  Not to be a creep or anything but you probably have noticed when a woman is wearing a bra.  This is noticeable when ANYONE wears a bra.  Layers or very thick sweaters can minimize this.
3. Unless you want everyone to see your bra's cups under your shirt, then wear a t-shirt bra or something without underwire or padding.  Again, layers can minimize this.
4. If you are wearing a cami, then it's possible that it will peek out under your shirt.  I have very lacy camis that would be very obvious if my shirt crept up.  Tucking in my shirt can minimize this from happening.

Notice how I said 'minimize' instead of eliminating the risks.  The only guaranteed way to prevent someone from thinking you are wearing a bra or camisole is to not wear one.  But what's the fun in that?

Okay, time for everyone's favorite sentence:  Let's talk about panties.

There really is only one risk when it comes to panties but it happens a lot.  Your panties are probably going to peek out.  Panties are meant to be worn on your hips and since most people who were assigned male at birth don't have hips, they'll probably wear their panties higher up on their body then a cisgender girl will.  If you raise your arms and your shirt creeps up, then the risk of the lacy waistband becoming visible increases.  If you stoop down, then your pants will probably sag a little but your panties will stay where they were.

Underdressing requires you to be aware of your movements and to think about how you move before you do it.  For example, if I need to kneel down and I know that my panties might peek out under my jeans, then I pull up my jeans by the waistband before I kneel.  If you are wearing panties (and why wouldn't you??) then you can take the following steps to minimize someone else noticing:

1. Tuck in your shirt
2. Wear a belt
3. Wear longer shirts
4. Wear pants that FIT

Again, the only guaranteed way to prevent someone from knowing that you are wearing panties is not to wear panties.  

Okay, time for everyone's favorite sentence:  Let's talk about panties.

In the decades I have been underdressing no one has ever mentioned that they saw my panties. That's not to say that they haven't noticed, but at the very least I have never had someone tell me that they did.  I mean, I think most people are polite enough to not discuss someone's underwear with them.  I mean, that's just weird.  I would rather DIE than ask someone else about their underwear and I'm guessing most people are the same.  

I would be remiss if I didn't discuss damage control.  Earlier I talked about preparing yourself for certain scenarios such as a flat tire, and since underdressing requires you to acknowledge and accept that no matter how many precautions you take, the chance of you being caught is always there.  If this happens then it will likely happen at a time where having a one on one conversation about gender identity is less than ideal.  This is another reason that we should have The Talk with the important people in our lives (namely our partners) before we are, well, forced to.  

So, what should we do if someone sees our panties and if they choose to comment?  This is a scenario that has a lot of factors, such as the person, the circumstances, and your relationship with that person.  This is frustrating because being caught puts us on the defensive.  We are, in a sense, at their mercy.  There are some people in my life that if they saw my panties they would absolutely delight in making my life a living hell and tell EVERYONE they know.  Not necessarily because they hate ME (but some do)  but they are some people who just love causing drama.  There's little I can think of when it comes to mitigating the fallout here.  There's not much you can do to make an asshole be reasonable or respectful.  I suppose if you are an asshole learning that your work colleague wears panties is like Christmas coming early.  You could try to appeal to their sense of decency but that's not likely.  You could ask them to keep this to themselves but again that puts you at their mercy.  They may agree to keep this a secret if you, oh, I don't know, pay them?

How would I handle this?  If I knew they would tell everyone I would, well, ignore it.  It would be hard but I would.  I can't see any other option.  I am sure we all have been the topic of gossip at one point.  Eventually things calm down.  However, if it happened at work I would go to Human Resources.  I wouldn't out myself but saying something along the lines of "my coworker is making me uncomfortable by discussing my underwear with me and our colleagues".  This is a form of harassment.  Would this be an unpleasant conversation?  Absolutely.  

If this happened and it involved someone a little more reasonable, well more than likely they wouldn't bring it up at all.  But if it did, I would say that what I wear is my business and I would appreciate it if it wasn't discussed.  There's something effective (but also challenging) to simply shut down a conversation or a topic.  You can do this firmly and calmly and directly.  And then you move on.  Hopefully they do as well.

When you live your life fully you open yourself up to criticism.  There's not a single person in the world that is universally liked or is unconditionally approved of.  Some people have a problem with my gender identity.  Some people have a problem with the clothes I wear.  Some people have a problem with bands or authors that I like.  All of these things are someone else's problem.  Sure, if I didn't want to be criticized for a book that I liked I COULD stop reading it but that would make that person happy, not me.  It can sting realizing that what makes you happy is the same thing that makes others absolutely hate you.  Again, that's their problem.  Live your life and dress your body how you please.  

Love, Hannah